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How to bring in joy & intention when building partnerships [Leaders Creating Change Series]

February 27, 2023

Thoughtfully built relationships are vital to creating long-term partnerships that support your work, mission, and also support you in your leadership. I am always looking to learn better and different ways to be in relationships and in partnerships with fellow humans – so that together we can create social change and experience joy and delight along the way.

I want to share more opportunities for you to gather and hear from thoughtful leaders building toward equity and social change in their communities.

I recently had the joy of talking with Amanda Thomas, Director, Community Partnership for Tacoma Public Schools. We spoke about how she shows up in spaces, builds community, and creates long-term partnerships. Amanda is one of my favorite leaders to work with and it was a delight to hear her talk about her leadership and work.

Hear what Amanda says about building relationships even in institutional capacities:

You can probably tell from our conversation that Amanda brings joy into her work and the communities she’s a part of, so I wanted to know how joy fits into building relationships for her. She said…

Amanda offered the reminder that it IS enough to simply be in relationship with each other. Building relationships thoughtfully over time supports your growth as a leader and your ability to create something bigger and more meaningful. Investing time in the relationship without considering what you have to gain creates trust and space for learning and creativity. This allows you to make more significant and impactful changes.

We can’t do any of our change work alone.

If we’re going to build larger solutions, we have to be in conversations with each other and hear diverse perspectives. We must be able to see and talk about the problems with people who view them differently.

It’s more than just partnerships, though. As leaders, we have to identify and find the support we need intentionally. I asked Amanda how she has built a support community around herself. She finds support in others but also in herself.

I’m grateful to have found support in my relationship with Amanda. My hope for you is that you have built or are building partnerships and communities of support for yourself, too.

In what ways are you putting energy into relationships simply for the joy and act of being in community?

A massive thank you to Amanda for joining me and for always showing up in spaces and giving very freely to community.

Interested in the full interview with Amanda? To learn more about building relationships and partnerships, grab it here.

A secret tool for navigating ongoing courageous conversations

November 15, 2022

I have a secret tool I use to help me navigate ongoing, courageous conversations, and I did not learn it from running my business or a workshop – I am learning it from parenting.

I am noticing in my current work with clients – leaders are working seriously to create brave, co-led, collaborative workplaces. (I believe this is because people expect and require this from their workplace, more leaders with the intent to create a healthy, equitable workplace are moving into positions of power, and there are more opportunities and resources to learn and become an inclusive, collaborative organization.)

Of course, healthy, inclusive, collaborative workplaces require more relationship-building, more navigation of ethical decision-making and processes, and more thoughtful conversations. And not just a single courageous conversation. Most moments require a series of honest, difficult conversations.

So what does this have to do with my current parenting learnings?

I am parenting an exuberant, loving, imaginative child who feels things quickly and with his whole body. It requires me to learn how to navigate accountability, boundaries, and big conversations with a level of calm and compassion – I honestly was never able to muster in grown-up spaces until now.

(Umm, partially because the child I am parenting is biologically mine, and he may have gotten his ability to have big feelings fast from my DNA.)

To show up calmly and not escalate the situation, I have had to increase my compassion and nervous system regulation practices.

Here is my not-so-secret secret. The more I support myself to feel compassion (toward others and myself) and calm (by taking good care of my own body and nervous system) – the better I am navigating highly charged situations with my son (oh, and with other family members, and with clients).

I may not be telling you anything new.

You probably know that when you can offer yourself and others a little compassion, your relationships and conversations improve. You also know when you’re rested and grounded – it is easier to enter into complex discussions.

Disrupt the idea that you don’t deserve rest.
Tricia Hersey, the founder of The Nap Ministry, says: “I’m divine. Rest is my birthright.
To disrupt that and push back is social justice.”

Read about the Nap Ministry here & her upcoming book.

Knowing this and applying it at the moment are two different things.

Here is my technique for increasing compassion & calm to support brave communication:

FIND: Find out what practices work best to increase calm, groundedness, and compassion. (You could explore silent walks, meditation and mindfulness apps, yoga, tai chi, time outside, time off media, naps, trying different breathing techniques, breathwork*, or create rest and reflection in your day.)
TRY: Try out explicit self-compassion or metta meditations.
BUILD: Build in 5 to 10 minutes a day devoted to building a habit that increases your ability to tap into calm and compassion.
CREATE SPACE: Before entering into a brave conversation, create time in your calendar to slow down (10-30 minutes) and use a practice that allows you to slow down, increase compassion, and get into a more grounded state.
- Bonus points if you try a metta meditation before your conversation.
REVISIT: After your conversation, build in 10-20 minutes to revisit a practice that supports you feeling calm in your body.
SEEK: Ensure you have a friend or colleague outside of work to call in for support before and after. (Remember that you want this person to hold you accountable to your values and not insert shame into the situation.)

Get this technique in a handout!

I am grateful for the learning required of me as a parent to show up with love, commitment, and accountability for my child. My continued learning is changing how I show up in my professional relationships daily. I still feel ALL the feels (the disappointment in myself, the frustrations in others, and being overwhelmed with the tasks at hand). However, at the same time as feeling everything, I can also tap into a well of calm inside my body that allows me to stay more present in my professional relationships and in my commitment to support the building of more inclusive, just, healthy workplaces.

May you find moments of calm and compassion as you show up bravely in your leadership, relationships, and conversations.

_{*A note on breathwork. Breathwork and nervous system practices can bring on trauma responses if not trauma-informed. It can be helpful to have the support of a mental health provider while exploring these techniques.}

There’s a difference between rest and reflection. Spoiler alert: You need both.

May 17, 2022

“Being a leader is not about production; it’s about being there for the people I lead, support, and serve. And I need to prepare myself to be a decent human being so that
I can be there for others and be approachable.”
– Andrew, Clear Harbor member

I have to exist as a human to show up at work. And when I show up as a cog and a machine, I feel the least fulfilled in my life.”
– Shannon, Clear Harbor member

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had many conversations about rest and reflection. We talked about why it’s important and how to fit it into our busy lives. The two quotes I shared above were from those conversations and examples of why we must find time to rest and reflect individually and in groups if we want to show up as leaders in our lives.

Rest can happen when you reflect, but rest is not always reflection time. Sometimes the reflection piece gets left behind. We hear a lot about self-care and well-being on the topic of rest. But often, reflection is missing.

Leaders, in particular, need both rest and reflection to:

keep going,
keep leading,
stay in their role (and lane),
not burn out,
make decisions, and
recognize that pauses are necessary.

Leaders need built-in time to reflect on themselves. The results? You avoid bringing knee-jerk reactions and your own bias to your team. We must reflect internally first before we can show up and lead a reflection with others. Reflection can bring you back to your why and passion and help you feel human. Time for reflection for yourself and then in groups is a critical tool for building a more equitable and inclusive workplace.

“Your goal is not to stick to a given schedule at all costs; it’s instead to maintain, at all times,
a thoughtful say in what you’re doing with your time.”
– Cal Newport, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

Most times, teams will retrospect at the end of a project by looking at how things went, what worked, what didn’t work, and what can be improved. But you can do this at any time as a team! Build those moments into groups in the arc of the process with reflection points to pause and observe.

I build rest and reflection into meetings – we stop, take a breath, take a break, and look away from the screens and each other. We write on our own before we share in the group. These practices are critical when building your team and group processes.

At times, I work with teams after they’ve missed opportunities to reflect – on the big picture or on cultural dynamics. They always had lots of work to complete but little time to reflect. The good news? It’s never too late to change this. We can find time to reflect.

You CAN build in time to reflect starting now to avoid big crises and conflicts in the future. When you practice slowing down and reflecting now, you will remember how to do it in the middle of stressful moments and not leap into fast decision-making based on assumptions and stories. When we slow down and recognize our own biases, we change how we do things. That’s one step toward making our work more equitable and inclusive.

This is one reason I created Clear Harbor for leaders – more here if you’re intrigued.
Clear Harbor is a built-in time for groups of people to reflect outside of the day-to-day pressures to respond.
It’s a commitment on your calendar to other people.
It’s a space to step back and reflect with a more significant viewpoint.

We not only show you it’s possible to build this into your workday, but we show you how.

I promised you a list of ways to build in time for rest and reflection. You can grab the list here. Remember, this isn’t MY list. These thoughts and ideas are from friends, clients, colleagues, and maybe even from you. Browse the list and see if anything sparks your interest. Try a few of the ideas yourself.

How can you build reflection into your day?

Keep your tank full

March 15, 2022

I feel sadness and worry, anger and fear as a new war begins, and the rights of trans kids and families, LGBTQ+ people and communities, and women are under attack.

When is it going to end?

“It” isn’t going to end. We must continue to get better at being in “it” and responding with peace, courage, resolve, resilience, joy, and outrage.

We need to maintain nourishing waters within.

You will need to keep your internal stores up to stay awake to others, your team, your responsibilities, and the struggle, traumas, and injustice around us.

What do I mean?

You have an internal storehouse of energy to draw from, and it needs reserves. You need to know you have the vitality to respond to your basic needs and solve problems.

If subconsciously you know that you do not have enough energy to keep yourself and others needs plus your work afloat – parts of you will shut down. Your body and mind will shut parts of your operating system down to conserve the little energy you have left. The components that stop working well can include the part of you that can respond to the needs of others. And the parts of you that can vision, imagine, hope, and problem solve.

You may stop listening to the joys and pains of others when you feel parched.

You could stop listening to the joys of your life and the needs of yourself when you feel depleted.

Your strength is always in you.

However, access is blocked.

Getting depleted can happen in two simple ways:

Not enough nourishment is coming into your system.
There is a great strain on your being that is causing lots of output.

There are two ways to enrich your soil, fill up your cup, and increase your stores.

Nourish your system.

Decrease the strain on your system.

It is simple and requires self-awareness, outside support, and letting go.

Use the check-in tool of “Tending, Tuning In, Checking In, & Changing” to find out what you can do to keep your energy flowing.

Please – so many of us are running on empty. Dear friend – take a moment to check in and give yourself what you need to restore. You are needed for the long haul. This journey is not over. However, we cannot keep going on empty.

Download this check-in tool here!

A note about decreasing the strain on your system:

There are times when you cannot do anything about what is straining you. These could be moments when tremendous caretaking of others is needed. Times of urgent, necessary deadlines. Times of significant change. Times of loss. Times of violence and trauma.

In these straining moments, you do the best you can do. You ask for support. And find the easiest, minimal ways to take care. You hold on. And give yourself as much love, space, and grace as possible.

P.S.
I wanted to share a poem and essay with you. My partner & beloved Roberto Ascalon was asked to re-imagine Seattle. It is a reminder of all we are experiencing in this time –loss, politics, the pandemic, racial reckonings, injustice, love. Also, it is a glimpse into our small family life during this big moment in time.

A few places you can take action and take care:

Grief practices From Valerie Kaur
Donate to Ukraine (from Valerie Kaur)
Support LGBTQ rights – ACLU, Human Rights Campaign

Staying Awake to Others While Navigating Change

February 9, 2022

As a leader, the people you work with are the key – to creating and building something beautiful and enjoying the work you’re doing. Without people, without a team, the vision does not move forward. Many leaders I work with are working with people who care deeply and work hard. And they are tired and navigating change after unsettling change.

And, the leaders I work with are navigating personal and professional challenges daily.

P.S. Everyone I work with is a leader because I follow this definition of leadership.*

It is easy to lose sight of how everyone around you is doing when you have so much to do.

However, there can be detrimental impacts when you are not staying connected to your team, peers, and humans in your life. When we are not paying attention to those around us – we lose the warmth of human connection, love, and care. We lose the insights and visions offered up by different people who see the world and its opportunities differently than we do. We lose out on the potential to build a strong team or a thoughtful family. When we are not attending to our teams and people, relationships may end. We miss the chance to offer support, and we miss the opportunity to grow and learn.

I’ve had moments in my life and my business where I was feeling so overwhelmed that I did not take the time needed to care about the core people in my life. The memories of those moments cause an ache in my heart and belly.

I am aware that:

I was not living out my values, and
I need to ensure that I do not get to the point of overwhelm that causes me to cut off connections to others.

I continue to work on this in my life.

How do I live out my value of being in intentional, meaningful relationships with my partners, clients, community, and family while juggling the work of being a human?

Here is a check-in to help you stay connected to your team, the people you work with, and the people you care about in your personal life.
There are four areas to pay attention to 1. tending, 2. tuning, 3. checking in, and 4. changing.

Download this check-in tool here!

Give yourself a mini-audit.

In your relationships, how are you tending, tuning in, checking in, and changing?

What is ONE thing you can do in ONE of the areas with a teammate or loved one?

No one person can do it all!

Of course, we cannot be connected to everyone on our team or in our community at all times. We need to make choices about who we are investing in and who are the critical relationships for us. And we need to be aware of how much time and capacity we have. It helps to write down who you are committed to being in the right relationship with.

Others may be acquaintances and colleagues you invest less energy in but treat with respect. If you are in a formal leadership position, you will need to foster skills across your company to help everyone stay connected and check in with staff.

(You know I am going to say this – but here’s a reminder – to be tuned in and awake to what is happening with others… you need to be awake to yourself and take care of yourself. If there is no energy left in your engine, these practices will be hard to do! Be on the lookout for more in March about staying awake to yourself!)

P.S. Here are some additional resources for Step 3 – Checking In:
4 essential human connections we all need right now
Simple ways to connect with each other, even virtually
How to stay open when you are ready to shut the conversation down
Tips for staying open & non-defensive in difficult conversations
5 Steps for Grounding During Instability
5 steps for grounding during instability pdf
2 questions that cut back the stress

* Vessel Consulting uses Brene Brown’s definition of leadership, “A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.”

How do we stay awake?

January 11, 2022

A while ago, I was on a call with Milagros Phillips that continues to reverberate in my body. (I have mentioned her work before – check out her work here.) Milagros was commenting on how different the calls she is leading about racial healing are at the end of 2021 compared to a year ago. A year ago, her zoom calls were packed. Each conversation had multiple screens of black, brown, and white faces, all tuning in to listen, learn, and talk about race and racism in the USA and our world.

The call I tuned in to at the end of September (in response to the violence against Haitian refugees at the border) was a single screen of faces.

Milagros Phillips said, “We must remain awake.”

She reminded us that the most significant social change will come when a large group of us stays awake, continuing to recognize what is wrong and unjust in the world, and then speaks about it and takes action to increase justice.

At the beginning of this new year – that perhaps does not feel so new.
I offer this as a reminder for all of us – to remain awake.

I am not suggesting this from a place of punishment or to call any of us out.

Instead, as you read this, see how you can ask yourself with kindness, “How am I remaining awake to the issues in our world that I want to improve?”

How do we stay awake in the fight against racism? How do we stay awake in response to climate change? How do we stay awake in support of LGBTQ+ rights? How do we stay awake in support of our team’s and our community’s mental health and well-being? How do we stay awake in support of workplace rights?

Add your own question here: How do I stay awake… ?

We need to remain awake to build a loving and just world.

What does this mean – “to stay awake”?

For me, it means that I do not shut out the real stories and experiences of people and the natural world. I hear them, and I listen, and I get curious. I let myself feel emotions.

And when I can, I name what I am seeing. I talk about it with others.

And I act by – changing my behavior, talking with others, voting, changing policies, organizing, building a different kind of business, donating money, volunteering.

But if I am honest with you. I get tired. The days here are short, and the rain (and snow) is setting in.

The news continues to show stories of systems built explicitly to cut groups off from their rights and humans carrying out acts of horror against other humans from a place of rage or numbness.

We have been in a pandemic for almost two years. I, and countless others, have had people they love dearly die.

People are drudging through their days. Families are still caring for small children while working.

How do you remain awake when you are tired?

Perhaps you are very awake.

Perhaps you live within identities and communities where you are reminded of injustices often. Maybe you were born with a heart and fire that does not let you stop seeing, naming, and acting to create an equitable world.

And if this is you, perhaps you still find yourself in the quiet moments, tired.

How do you rest while not falling into a state of numbness?

I do not have all these answers.
I am continuing to ask myself these questions.

Honestly, my first step is still to remind myself that staying awake is essential for us as humans to build a more loving and just world. I am grateful to Milagros Phillips for her fervent reminder – we must find ways to stay awake.

For me, I need to find ways to stay awake that are not dogmatic and perfectionistic. I have tried ways of staying in change-making work over the years bound by rigid rules, and I find myself becoming judgmental, burning bridges, and then burning out. However, if I become too gentle and focused on self-acceptance without fire and push, I slide back into a state of “self-care” that indulges my whiteness and other privileged positions. I need a balance of commitment, accountability, and care for my own well-being.

Here are a few tools that are supporting me to stay awake and support more love and justice:

Time alone to feel emotions and reflect (walks alone, meditation, movement)
Being mindful of what I listen to and what information I take in (listening to diverse experiences in my podcasts, reading and listening to sources of news that fact check & give multiple perspectives)
Bringing up what I am seeing and noticing and feeling in conversations
Asking questions about what others see, know, and feel in conversations, and then trying to listen
Make my learnings and the change I want in the world reflected in the daily work I do (how I facilitate, whom I work with, how I build out projects)
Connect and reconnect with the relationships in my life that are not insular (i.e., humans outside of my direct community, diverse because of parental status, profession, race, ethnicity, home country, etc.)
Take action with my feet, with my money, with my vote, with my voice, with the power and privileges I do have. (Here is a list of actions around racial justice.)
Practice rest and reflection that brings rejuvenation, and not numbing (for me, this is dance, walking, books, baths. Here is a list you can draw on.

Most importantly, I recognize when I am numbing out and disconnecting from the injustices and calls of the world and of my friends, family, and work team. And invite me back into the human family. I remind myself that I am strong enough to listen to the stories of loved ones and strangers who are experiencing suffering. I remind myself that I can act to be a part of the solution. And I am not alone, I am connected to imaginative, creative human beings fighting for a more just, loving world.

I am glad to be with you, a fellow creative human working toward a more caring, just world.

How are you caring for yourself when you are tired?

How are you remaining awake?

Resources to “stay awake” (also take care & rest):

Actions you can take for racial justice
Cracking the Healer’s Code: A Prescription for Healing Racism and Finding Wholeness by Milagros Phillips
Dance with Darkness, e-course – transforming the heaviness you carry – Brownswell, Kirin Bhatti
New Year return to being you – Untangle Podcast – Rev. Angel Kyodo Williams
Actions and learning in support of LGBTQ+ rights – Human Rights Campaign
Climate change campaigns with the Sunrise Movement
8 ways managers can support mental health – Harvard Business Review
Crisis Text Line – Crisis line to share & have on hand

How to tap into more joy when you need it most

August 25, 2021

In these last days of summer, our house is full of family, people and things are everywhere. Plates of food with warm stone fruit next to plates of food with fried rice. People yelling each other’s names from across the tiny house. I am grateful and full of connection.

Mind you, I am also an introvert, and I took a few days out alone, away from all my family before this next batch of sweetness arrived. I needed time to connect first to myself, to say “oh hello there Annie.” I needed time to be outside. My body and being need time near the water in stillness to recalibrate my inner compass. I am grateful for a supportive partner who did the household preparations for a month of family time so that I could have alone time. I am grateful for the moments we can be outside in the woods or near a river.

Now, in this house full of people from 80 to 4 years old, I am feeling joy. I am feeling the joy of good food, of laughter, of stories shared with our son. I am delighting in the feeling of creating a life with this wild family.

And when I was alone with my thoughts, books, and a shoreline, I felt joy. I felt the joy that comes when you notice the sound of water moving at the same time as a bird call.

—

It is not all sunshine and ease, we’ve had major changes in life plans in the last month that caused stress. We are navigating the fires and the virus with apprehension and sadness. We are listening to the news from around the world and our own town – people navigating devastation and loss of life, lands, homes, and rights. We are fielding phone calls from friends and family about illnesses.

This is to say – the connection is essential. Amid all the changes, and our own and other’s fights for a safer and more just world – we need to remember our connections to each other, to ourselves, to the natural world, to our experiences, our breaths, our stories, and the bigger picture.

And the connections lead to joy. And we all need joy. Joy is a reminder of delight and “aliveness” in the middle of the mess and the heartaches.

This week think about using connection as a source of joy.

What do you need to connect to right now to make a little room for joy?
Who do you need to connect to now?

Want to dive deeper into what joy can be and how to access it? Here is a quick video for you to go further into this practice and how to apply it even in a work setting.

Guess what? I asked a few amazing communities I am a part of what they do to build joy. The answers form an inspiring list you can use to build joy & connection into your life anytime – especially when you need it most.

Get it here!

Want to share this joy-building list and video with a friend so you can inspire each other? Send them this link to share for free!

Looking for genuine connections in your professional life?
Clear Harbor is a community of fellow leaders who practice equity and make room for joy!

Get on the waitlis t before the doors open in September.

How to make and maintain healthy connections

July 20, 2021

Are you finding yourself getting clearer right now on who you want to be in relationships with or what you need from the relationships around you?

As I begin to see friends and clients in person, I am acutely aware of what I missed, what I need, and what I want to offer.

I know how important my connections are to the people in my life because of the distance we had to have between us. I am grateful for the connections in my life because of the immense support I received from colleagues, clients, friends, and family in the last year.

A few weeks ago, I offered you a check-in to assure your personal and professional connections are healthy and supportive on many fronts.

(In case you missed it here you go…)

Perhaps you have found yourself longing for connections in your life that are joyful, supportive, diverse, and value-aligned.

A reminder it is a lot to ask any one person to be all these things for you all the time! We need to continue to cultivate old and new relationships for our well-being.

Today I am giving you a quick set of reminders for how to make and maintain healthy connections in your professional and personal life.

We can all use people in our lives who have our back, remind us of joy, support our learning, and ensure that we continue to become better versions of ourselves.

May your July bring you healthy new and old connections!

Has this note made you think of someone who supported you in the last year? Send them a quick text telling them you appreciate them!

4 essential human connections we all need right now

July 7, 2021

Connections to other humans keep us learning and growing.

Healthy human connections provide us with love and support (even in the workplace).

Our relationships to each other can increase our joy, fun, and happiness.

Social connections have been proven to help us regulate emotions, have higher empathy, reduce anxiety & depression and even improve our immune system.*

We need each other.

And we need more than one or two people in our lives.

We cannot be everything to everyone.

And no one person in our life, can be everything to you, or their family, or their work teams.

We need a diversity of social connections and interactions to be fed and keep going.

(Don’t worry fabulous introverts this doesn’t mean you have to be interacting all the time with a dozen other humans either!)

How can you have relationships around you that support your health, and growth as a human?

I made this quick “audit” for you to think about what your current connections are offering you (and you are offering them) and how to have an even greater level of support and joy from the different relationships in your life.

Check out the video here:

May you have social connections around you that hold you up and support you in all parts of your life.

Looking for a new place to build supportive professional relationships?

Clear Harbor waitlist is now open!

Are you a leader committed to a more equitable and just world looking for a space away from your current work team to reflect, build relationships, and problem solve?

The next cohorts of Clear Harbor are opening in September!

Get on the waitlist now to get more information when the doors open.

This year there will be two kinds of cohorts.
Cohorts for leaders with a high-level of decision-making authority and responsibility (job titles like CEO, ED and Director) AND cohorts for leaders who lead from within in their business or organization (any job title).

Wanting more support from a community of leaders committed to inclusion, equity, and anti-racism?

Jump on the waitlist and I will be in touch.

The first hug in a year

June 9, 2021

I gave my first hug to a friend I hadn’t hugged in over a year. I felt a mix of tenderness, joy, relief, sadness, and distance. The feelings surprised me. I expected sheer delight – I love this person SO much! Instead, I think the hug was exactly what is meant by the word bittersweet.

I recognized something else in that hug and subsequent first hugs after. My feelings right now are different than I assumed. They are milder and murkier than I expect. I think this is because for the last year, I was not able to have many nuanced emotions.

My mind has been locked down tight. I was focused on attending to the safety and wellbeing of my family and the community. I watched Covid take people’s lives, wellbeing, and livelihood. I witnessed the racial reckoning of our country with held breath and continued to find what I must do and undo professionally and personally to be a part of ending racism. I observed friends navigating hardships from a distance and did my best to send love. I supported clients in their huge lifts to carry on their missions.

This last year I felt sad, and angry. At times I felt grateful and glimmers of sweet joy. And that was it.

My focus was tight and that was necessary, but it had its repercussions.

I did not make room for a larger reflection on what was missing.

My spectrum of thinking, feeling, and experiencing was constrained to attend to the immediacy of survival and to respond to immediate personal and societal concerns.

This is not a new thing for humans. We all close in our emotions, and perspective in our daily lives in moments of pressure, trauma, conflict, violence, and loss.

As tender and quieter thoughts and emotions emerge, I can feel the shape of the cold, exterior container I built to get through the last year. I do not want to be in that container but I know it will take awhile to set it down.

I want to share with you the slow ways I am dancing with the re-emergence of a fuller spectrum of emotions and thoughts. (I am not a trauma-expert, so I am including other resources below.)

You can better see and support others in your work and life, if you tend to where you are emotionally, mentally, and even physically, in this transition.

Here is what is supporting me:

I am paying attention to how I am feeling in the moment.

I am moving at the speed I can and trying to understand what others may be feeling or experiencing (i.e. go at your own pace and support others in their own pace.)
I am building connections with people who can listen without judgement or shame and whom I can offer the same to.
I am reflecting alone with walks, movement, and writing.
I am finding moments of appreciation, thinking “I appreciate this… I appreciate you for…” and then letting the appreciation sink in.

The cliff notes:

Notice your feelings.
Go at your own pace.
Know and understand other peoples’ pace.
Connect with others who can listen, and you can listen to.
Reflect alone.
Appreciate the people, moments, the things you can.

Reflection questions to go deeper alone or together:
– What have I been feeling about…
– What am I feeling now about…
– What do I need? What do you need?
– What am I experiencing right now?
– What do I want to take with me from last year?

May you have moments of real connection with others and with yourself this month.

Here are two guides from the past months to support in this continued time of transition:

5 steps for grounding during instability
How to prepare for reopening

Trauma, grief & tending to emotions – a mix of resources

People on Insta for support & resources:
@nedratawwab – Nedra Tawwab
@Alex_elle – alexandra elle

Websites
Self-compassion – Dr. Kristin Neff’s resources & meditations
Cloud Sangha – facilitated mindfulness groups, including groups for people of color and women
Spell for grief & letting go – adrienne maree brown

Movie
The Wisdom of Trauma movie – Dr. Gabor Mate

Books
The Body is not an apology, Sonya Renee Taylor
The Body keeps the score, Dr. van der Kolk
No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering, Thich Nhat Hanh
Walking each other home: Conversations on loving and dying, Ram Dass & Mirabai Bush
The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity, Nadine Burke Harris

Thank you to my social work colleagues for these resources!
Have others I should include in my list? – Please send your recommendations.