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Finding Strength in Support: Preventing Burnout in Challenging Times

September 24, 2024

It’s the end of a quarter and the end of a season. I am feeling both a wind-up toward the end of the year (and yes the election in the US) and a wind-down into what can and cannot fit into this calendar year’s time.

Lately, I have been working with a few clients, making big things happen in their worlds and organizations or businesses. People are activating new visions and directions, trying out new ways of working in their teams, updating their entire structure, or growing teams and budgets to double the year before.

We are experiencing major transitions and are preparing—this time with a little more awareness—for the possibility of even greater transitions.

I feel it.
Do you feel it?

If you feel the rapidness of transitions and changes on the horizon, the rest of this post is for you (even if you aren’t in a big transformation or high-stress moment).

With all the changes happening, many of the folks I work with are pushing harder than before. They are working to move big ideas into action—fast. They need to show up for many disparate team members to support their emotions through the transitions.

When we push fast, go at a nonstop pace, and feel like a lot of human well-being is at stake, it can lead to overwhelm, nonstop stress, and, if we don’t slow down… burnout.

I am worried that burnout is right around the corner for many of us.

So I wanted to offer an anecdote to burnout that may be different than you are thinking about…

YES to avoid burnout…
↘ find short breaks and pauses,
↘ connect with other passions and identities outside where you spend most of your time,
↘ take longer breaks, and reduce what you are “doing.”

(Okay – sorry – if even reading that is stressful… and you are like, “HOW ANNIE!” Keep reading because the following is a first STEP before you even take a short break.)

What is the number one way to avoid burnout?

Get help.

Getting support is one of the best ways to avoid burnout and reduce the stress of rapid changes and future instabilities.

The belief that leads to burnout

What leads to burnout and overwhelm is the belief (and the action that follows that belief) that we have to be the ones to do it all and get it all done. And even be the ones to carry out the ideal version of our vision for the future.

You may also be inside a culture (country, institution, family) that feeds the belief that it is all on you.

You alone must complete the project, see the vision through, and do it well with little support. If you ask for help, “you are fill in the blank (weak, incompetent, inadequate, powerless).”

When you go it alone this leads to exhaustion and, inevitably, burnout.

(See a definition of burnout in the resources.)

Types of support

At least three kinds of help can pull you back from the edge and bring you back to yourself and life’s natural ebb and flow.

Types of support that reduce stress during challenge and change:

Listening and accompaniment
Offering resources, advice, expertise
Taking on some of the workload

Ideally, you stack ALL of these types of support in times of stress.

Asking for support

At times of overwhelm, it can be hard to ask for support.

However, the first step is noticing you need support and telling someone you need help. This could be a few trusted colleagues or loved ones.

An act of support could be – someone who first helps you think about what help you need!

Here are a few prompts for asking for support – straight from my life!

“Sashya, I am juggling a lot right now and feeling stretched. Could you help me one day next week with school pick-up so I can be alone for 30 minutes?”
“Rachel, I can’t finish the notes on my upcoming projects. Do you have room in your scope of work to help me with the notes for my upcoming projects in November and December?”
“I am hosting a party for our mutual colleague. I am wondering, since you are coming would you have time to pick up banh mi on the way?

Examples

Here are a few examples of support I have asked for and received over the last few years…

Childcare pick up
Consulting project facilitation
Client project thought partnership
Project management and mapping out new internal processes
Coaching around business development

Personally, asking for support is vulnerable. I see myself as a caregiver and supporter of others. I see myself as a fixer and problem solver. I do not want to be a burden, and as an only child and a white woman – I am constantly worried I will be seen as self-absorbed! Oh and I love the control that comes with being the one to take care of the project, task and make the decision.

Perhaps you can relate to a few of those?

Why is it hard for you to ask for support?

What are ways you have asked for support in the past that have reduced your stress or helped you carry out your vision?

Caveat

I know there are times when our on-the-ground reality is nearly impossible; even with support, it is exhausting and nonstop. There are times when we are living on the edge and in a time of trauma and survival. This is still a time to seek out whatever support you can and, simultaneously, be compassionate toward yourself, offer grace, and acknowledge that your reality is hard right now. Getting support is not guaranteed to end the suffering, yet we were meant to be in community even when life is painful. If this is where you are right now, may you find people who will accompany and walk alongside you.

Resources

Definition of Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski:
“Burnout” can be defined by three components: 1. emotional exhaustion, 2. depersonalization, and 3. a decreased sense of accomplishment.

Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski on Burnout and How to Complete the Stress Cycle

“Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once. Breathe. You’re strong. You got this. Take it day by day.” – Karen Salmansohn
“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” – Banksy

What to do when your vacation isn’t a vacation

August 21, 2024

In our leadership membership, Clear Harbor, we are discussing “rest and action for freedom,” which has me thinking about my own relationship with rest (and action), how to build more rest into a busy schedule, and take time off for rest.

Have you had the experience of taking time off from work to go on a vacation (or staying home to vacation) and not being rested at the end of that long weekend or week?

This happens to me more than I would like to admit.
Setting aside the time and resources to take a real break is also work. When that break does not give you time for rest, relaxation, or restoration, it is a letdown.

Here are a few suggestions for what to do when a vacation does not equal rest:

Notice and acknowledge that you did not get rest from a break.
Try to be kind to yourself (and others who were with you) as you do this.
The only way to give yourself what you need is to notice when you don’t have it.
Harness the shift in your perspective.
Usually, a break will give you a new perspective on your current life (even if it does not give you rest). This is an opportunity to make a subtle change.
What did this time away show you that you could have more or less of in your day-to-day life?
Add rest in now!
It is not too late. Take advantage of the change in schedule and routine.
Go to bed early. Sneak away from work during a lunch break.
What did you crave during your vacation that you did not get? A walk, a book, a moment alone, a celebratory dinner…

That “longing” tells you something you can do RIGHT NOW in a small moment.

It may seem indulgent – but you could give yourself a single “sick” day in the next two weeks and “check” a few of your rest desires off your list.

Does that sound divine and mischievous? YES! Do it!
Evaluate for the next time.
What could you do differently before and during your vacation to add rest?
What boundaries can you set for yourself or with loved ones next time?
What did you learn about what vacations give you rest and restoration and which don’t?

Now you know – take one lesson and practice it on your next time off.

I’ve got you if you don’t have any time off and are in go mode right now. Check out my blog post for tips on adding rest when you are busy.

Let me know – have you had a time when a vacation was not a vacation? What did you do to recoup after your non-vacation?

…

Simple tips to add rest into a busy summer schedule

July 22, 2024

It is summer in the Pacific Northwest, and as I have shared, for many people, summer is supposed to be a time of rest and relaxation. However, the Pacific Northwest’s culture, and especially the Seattle area, is one of sun and outdoor scarcity.

Many of us feel we have a finite amount of time to be outside doing dozens of activities with all the people we love. And most of us are still working and caring for others, too.

Ironically, this equals more pressure to “enjoy and relax” with more things to do and even accomplish.

It can be a mind-bending experience.
I am first trying to deal with this by being honest with myself.
I want to do “all the things” this summer and fit it all in. At the same time, my professional work does not slow down, and family caretaking and coordination increase.

This particular summer, my partner Roberto and I have agreed that we need to have less stress and more regulated nervous systems. This is a requirement for a few things we are navigating with our family this season.

So how do you do this… reduce stress, increase rest and regulation when the pressure is on to get it ALL DONE, and have a great dang time doing it?

I want to share ways to rest inside of a busy time.

But first, what is “rest?”
Here are a few definitions to help you determine whether you are resting…

“A period of time in which you relax, do not do anything active, or sleep.” – Cambridge Dictionary

“To rest means to relax into something and let it support you.”
“To take a short break from one’s activities in order to relax.” – Vocabulary.com

Okay—now we are reminded that resting is not about doing more; it is, if possible, about relaxing and maybe even sleeping!

Here are my tips and tricks for building in more rest:

Recognize the Pockets
Look for the little pockets already in your life and schedule where you can rest.
Notice them and lean back into them.

When are things slower and quieter?
When is there a natural pause between one activity and the next?
When is there a moment of waiting? In a line? A doctor’s office? A train?

Take those little pockets and let them be rest moments. You take a breath. You sit quietly. You stand for a moment and notice your feet.

When you notice the pull to take out your phone you can say to yourself – “ah I am giving myself a little rest.”

Retreat
Get up, walk away from the table, desk, or computer, and find a few moments of rest.

Lay down on the couch and set a timer for 10-15 minutes.
Take your coffee outside and sit on a front step without your screen or device.
Turn toward a window, watch things around you, or notice a plant or animal.

Replace
Replace the scrolling with seeing what your body needs.
Replace the “doing one more thing” with pausing and breathing.
Replace the screen with a little sleep.
Replace the taking a picture with being present to what you see.

You get the point. 😉

Reduce
Okay, this one is annoying!
You may be like…. ”Annie, you said rest inside of a busy time!”

Y’all, honestly, the only way to get more rest is to do less.

This is so basic and yet hard to do that it is obnoxious, but most of us don’t stop DOING, and we are TIRED.

If you want more time to feel good in your body and be less grumpy with those you love… you have to reduce the number of things you take on.

Now different people (and times in life) require different activity levels.
You know you. You can probably determine whether you need to reduce a few things.

The basics of this skill are:
1. Take something you feel you “should do” but don’t need to do.
2. Stop doing it.
3. Say, “I am not available.” Say, “Oh, I wish I could, but I’ve overcommitted myself.”

This is my hardest one AND the one that gains me the most rest.
The trick is to NOT put more “doing” in the place of the thing you reduced.
Instead, REST FIRST – start with lying down on the floor!

A note:
Adding more rest when the pressure is on can be difficult.
In the long term, to avoid burnout, your body and mind need longer, sustained periods of rest and ongoing rest practices. I will share a few additional ways to increase rest in the coming months.

The go-to resource for Rest & Liberation – Tricia Hersey:

A fabulous teacher and resource for rest is Tricia Hersey & The Nap Ministry

“Rest is a form of resistance because it pushes back and disrupts white supremacy and capitalism.
Our bodies are a site of liberation. And that brings into the somatics the idea that wherever our bodies are, we can find rest.”

– Rest as Resistance Tenets #1 & #2, Tricia Hersey

Tricia Hersey on NPR

Tricia Hersey’s book – Rest is Resistance: a Manifesto

The Nap Ministry’s Rest Deck

Recalibrate, listen and explore: a mid-summer check-in

August 3, 2023

How are you doing this season?

Over here in the northwest, summer is a noteworthy season. Why? Because there is incredible fruit and warmth and no rain or snow. Everyone is out and about. It brings a particular kind of delight AND in like matter a frantic, frenetic energy. People want to do everything… sit by a body of water, drive to a mountain, eat ripe peaches and corn. See all the people they love.

I feel this delight and pressure too. And now, with a child, I have the added urge of wanting him to experience it all and feel connected to the land where he lives and the joy of being outside with people we love.

This season highlights the push and pull I feel at this time in my life. I want to be present and soak in the joys and delights around me as a human on this earth – noticing the color and texture of bumble bees and butterflies, laughter, and the feel of my feet in cold, glacier streams. I want to be in this moment of life with my child – muddy hands, skinned-up knees, a face sticky sweet, holding hands with a summer friend. I want to make spacious room for my clients to recalibrate, listen, explore, and make plans that build toward bigger possibilities. Additionally, there is a list of hopes for my partner, family, community, and self.

What are all the pieces of summer you are holding? What do you want to feel and experience this season?

I have moments of inner struggle and grumpiness because it is not possible to make all of these things happen simultaneously inside linear time.

Again, I remind myself that I cannot do it all.

So how do I find my way toward these intentions for the rest of summer without overwhelm?

Here is what I do to reset and reduce stress:

Name my intentions (see above)
Name my constraints (time, energy, other people, etc.)
Look for supports
Simplify (where can I do less, where can I lower internal or external expectations)
Overcommunicate and calendar with my partner (and key colleagues or family)
Build in slowdowns (when am I pausing to check in with my body)
Offer gratitude out loud at the moment for what I am seeing and the humans around me
Be okay with an unconventional work schedule (as long as I have solid boundaries in place)
Use a metaphor for the season to remind me of my intention

It is not too late to invite in a different way to be during this summer (or the next season) – if you feel frenetic, frustrated, “blah”, or disconnected. It may be cheesy, but it is also true; every day, you have an opportunity to reset your intentions and actions.

Today I intend to dig into key client communications and connections, eat a juicy peach, and sit outside with my son in the late summer afternoon.

Want reflection questions to support your reset? Check out more below.

Here is to a fruitful summer,

Annie

If you find this info helpful, please consider joining my email list. You’ll get helpful tools and learn about the practices I use for myself and to help leaders and teams gain clarity, work collaboratively, and discover a deeper sense of purpose, connection, and joy.

From going it alone – to asking for support

March 27, 2023

First, I know you know that I LOVE small groups of human beings and what they can do when they work together toward a common goal. (And yes, I sometimes get stressed, annoyed, and worked up when working with small groups of people.) But mostly, I love it!

And yet, I still don’t always reach out and ask for support when I need it or create collaboratively when the results would be better if a small group was involved.

Why do I still opt for the individual response or act?

Perhaps the deeply ingrained individualistic, capitalist culture and my own internalized whiteness taught me the false notion that working together is weak and dangerous. Maybe I internalized that it was important to keep my circle of care small – so as not to feel shame or lose face. I think yes. And I desire to remain in control and not feel vulnerable by showing my needs or my first draft ideas. Yes, this.

All these things stop me from reaching out even when I know supporting each other and creating together in a community leads to less loneliness, better ideas, and overall strengthens the fabric of our humanness.

I am actively working on stretching even further toward being in community. I am committing to offering care and following through with my offers, asking for support, and creating solutions with others.

Building together is an antidote to toxic capitalism and creates ripples of compassion, connection, and creativity; still, it takes courage to reach out, share and build with fellow brilliant, messy humans.

I want to share a recent story in my life where I have actively shifted from “going it alone” to “asking for support.”

In our family life, there have been a LOT of sicknesses. A friend recently talked about something in our family’s timeline by asking – “Was that between sickness number 7 and number 8?” This is not a new story for all the families with kids under 10 returning to schools and childcare outside the home. We are all constantly dealing with someone sick in the house. And this means – a decrease in physical and mental well-being, double duty for family members (caretaking and other work), loss of work hours, late nights, and very messy houses (okay maybe the mess is just us).

During the holidays, when I was quarantined downstairs with Covid, our flights to be with family were canceled, and Rob and Lino celebrating alone – I thought to myself – we need help. I asked Rob what he was missing the most. He said he was sad not to have the big meal (with lots of succulent meat) we would have had with his family. I texted a few sets of beloved friends asking – “Hey if you have a few leftovers after holiday meals, could you drop them off?”

Friends said yes.

We ate for days on crab, steak, a full Moroccan feast, and a multi-layer cake.

Support came too in the form of texts checking in on us, funny memes, movie recommendations I could watch while in bed, and herbal medicines left in our milk box.

For me, asking for support was easy and embarrassing. I had to swallow the notion that we should do it alone. And we could have “done it alone” but missed the opportunity to feel alive and held in others’ care. Because I asked for help, I knew my family was cared for upstairs. I could rest.

One thing to know, however, the support only happened partially because of 1 or 2 texts. The friends I contacted have been in our life for over ten years. Many of them we currently or have lived in community with. I have asked for support before. And I have asked many of them in times of sickness and loss, “what can I do?” and in times of celebration, “what can I bring?”

We are in an ongoing, evolving, mutual community of support. I am committed to loving them, and I care about their well-being.

You may have this in your personal life. If you don’t, it IS possible to create this – find the friendships or acquaintances you want to invest in and check in with them more often. Or join a group experience like a hiking or book group and provide care and ask them for support.

Though, I wonder, do you foster these kinds of caring communities in your professional life?

Do you have groups you can turn to when things are falling apart in a project?

Who would you text and ask to talk for a few minutes about a problem with a team you are leading?

Who is supporting you in your leadership and growth? Who do you support and offer care to?

Communities of support give us the room to reflect, learn, be seen, give and receive care, keep our values and actions consistent, release shame, do better, innovate, and create.

Take one small step today to join or foster a community of support.

P.S. The teams you work in can offer solid support and a place to build and create together. If you want help building a stronger team that can support each other and make changes, let’s talk!

How to bring in joy & intention when building partnerships [Leaders Creating Change Series]

February 27, 2023

Thoughtfully built relationships are vital to creating long-term partnerships that support your work, mission, and also support you in your leadership. I am always looking to learn better and different ways to be in relationships and in partnerships with fellow humans – so that together we can create social change and experience joy and delight along the way.

I want to share more opportunities for you to gather and hear from thoughtful leaders building toward equity and social change in their communities.

I recently had the joy of talking with Amanda Thomas, Director, Community Partnership for Tacoma Public Schools. We spoke about how she shows up in spaces, builds community, and creates long-term partnerships. Amanda is one of my favorite leaders to work with and it was a delight to hear her talk about her leadership and work.

Hear what Amanda says about building relationships even in institutional capacities:

You can probably tell from our conversation that Amanda brings joy into her work and the communities she’s a part of, so I wanted to know how joy fits into building relationships for her. She said…

Amanda offered the reminder that it IS enough to simply be in relationship with each other. Building relationships thoughtfully over time supports your growth as a leader and your ability to create something bigger and more meaningful. Investing time in the relationship without considering what you have to gain creates trust and space for learning and creativity. This allows you to make more significant and impactful changes.

We can’t do any of our change work alone.

If we’re going to build larger solutions, we have to be in conversations with each other and hear diverse perspectives. We must be able to see and talk about the problems with people who view them differently.

It’s more than just partnerships, though. As leaders, we have to identify and find the support we need intentionally. I asked Amanda how she has built a support community around herself. She finds support in others but also in herself.

I’m grateful to have found support in my relationship with Amanda. My hope for you is that you have built or are building partnerships and communities of support for yourself, too.

In what ways are you putting energy into relationships simply for the joy and act of being in community?

A massive thank you to Amanda for joining me and for always showing up in spaces and giving very freely to community.

Interested in the full interview with Amanda? To learn more about building relationships and partnerships, grab it here.

A secret tool for navigating ongoing courageous conversations

November 15, 2022

I have a secret tool I use to help me navigate ongoing, courageous conversations, and I did not learn it from running my business or a workshop – I am learning it from parenting.

I am noticing in my current work with clients – leaders are working seriously to create brave, co-led, collaborative workplaces. (I believe this is because people expect and require this from their workplace, more leaders with the intent to create a healthy, equitable workplace are moving into positions of power, and there are more opportunities and resources to learn and become an inclusive, collaborative organization.)

Of course, healthy, inclusive, collaborative workplaces require more relationship-building, more navigation of ethical decision-making and processes, and more thoughtful conversations. And not just a single courageous conversation. Most moments require a series of honest, difficult conversations.

So what does this have to do with my current parenting learnings?

I am parenting an exuberant, loving, imaginative child who feels things quickly and with his whole body. It requires me to learn how to navigate accountability, boundaries, and big conversations with a level of calm and compassion – I honestly was never able to muster in grown-up spaces until now.

(Umm, partially because the child I am parenting is biologically mine, and he may have gotten his ability to have big feelings fast from my DNA.)

To show up calmly and not escalate the situation, I have had to increase my compassion and nervous system regulation practices.

Here is my not-so-secret secret. The more I support myself to feel compassion (toward others and myself) and calm (by taking good care of my own body and nervous system) – the better I am navigating highly charged situations with my son (oh, and with other family members, and with clients).

I may not be telling you anything new.

You probably know that when you can offer yourself and others a little compassion, your relationships and conversations improve. You also know when you’re rested and grounded – it is easier to enter into complex discussions.

Disrupt the idea that you don’t deserve rest.
Tricia Hersey, the founder of The Nap Ministry, says: “I’m divine. Rest is my birthright.
To disrupt that and push back is social justice.”

Read about the Nap Ministry here & her upcoming book.

Knowing this and applying it at the moment are two different things.

Here is my technique for increasing compassion & calm to support brave communication:

FIND: Find out what practices work best to increase calm, groundedness, and compassion. (You could explore silent walks, meditation and mindfulness apps, yoga, tai chi, time outside, time off media, naps, trying different breathing techniques, breathwork*, or create rest and reflection in your day.)
TRY: Try out explicit self-compassion or metta meditations.
BUILD: Build in 5 to 10 minutes a day devoted to building a habit that increases your ability to tap into calm and compassion.
CREATE SPACE: Before entering into a brave conversation, create time in your calendar to slow down (10-30 minutes) and use a practice that allows you to slow down, increase compassion, and get into a more grounded state.
- Bonus points if you try a metta meditation before your conversation.
REVISIT: After your conversation, build in 10-20 minutes to revisit a practice that supports you feeling calm in your body.
SEEK: Ensure you have a friend or colleague outside of work to call in for support before and after. (Remember that you want this person to hold you accountable to your values and not insert shame into the situation.)

Get this technique in a handout!

I am grateful for the learning required of me as a parent to show up with love, commitment, and accountability for my child. My continued learning is changing how I show up in my professional relationships daily. I still feel ALL the feels (the disappointment in myself, the frustrations in others, and being overwhelmed with the tasks at hand). However, at the same time as feeling everything, I can also tap into a well of calm inside my body that allows me to stay more present in my professional relationships and in my commitment to support the building of more inclusive, just, healthy workplaces.

May you find moments of calm and compassion as you show up bravely in your leadership, relationships, and conversations.

_{*A note on breathwork. Breathwork and nervous system practices can bring on trauma responses if not trauma-informed. It can be helpful to have the support of a mental health provider while exploring these techniques.}

There’s a difference between rest and reflection. Spoiler alert: You need both.

May 17, 2022

“Being a leader is not about production; it’s about being there for the people I lead, support, and serve. And I need to prepare myself to be a decent human being so that
I can be there for others and be approachable.”
– Andrew, Clear Harbor member

I have to exist as a human to show up at work. And when I show up as a cog and a machine, I feel the least fulfilled in my life.”
– Shannon, Clear Harbor member

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had many conversations about rest and reflection. We talked about why it’s important and how to fit it into our busy lives. The two quotes I shared above were from those conversations and examples of why we must find time to rest and reflect individually and in groups if we want to show up as leaders in our lives.

Rest can happen when you reflect, but rest is not always reflection time. Sometimes the reflection piece gets left behind. We hear a lot about self-care and well-being on the topic of rest. But often, reflection is missing.

Leaders, in particular, need both rest and reflection to:

keep going,
keep leading,
stay in their role (and lane),
not burn out,
make decisions, and
recognize that pauses are necessary.

Leaders need built-in time to reflect on themselves. The results? You avoid bringing knee-jerk reactions and your own bias to your team. We must reflect internally first before we can show up and lead a reflection with others. Reflection can bring you back to your why and passion and help you feel human. Time for reflection for yourself and then in groups is a critical tool for building a more equitable and inclusive workplace.

“Your goal is not to stick to a given schedule at all costs; it’s instead to maintain, at all times,
a thoughtful say in what you’re doing with your time.”
– Cal Newport, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

Most times, teams will retrospect at the end of a project by looking at how things went, what worked, what didn’t work, and what can be improved. But you can do this at any time as a team! Build those moments into groups in the arc of the process with reflection points to pause and observe.

I build rest and reflection into meetings – we stop, take a breath, take a break, and look away from the screens and each other. We write on our own before we share in the group. These practices are critical when building your team and group processes.

At times, I work with teams after they’ve missed opportunities to reflect – on the big picture or on cultural dynamics. They always had lots of work to complete but little time to reflect. The good news? It’s never too late to change this. We can find time to reflect.

You CAN build in time to reflect starting now to avoid big crises and conflicts in the future. When you practice slowing down and reflecting now, you will remember how to do it in the middle of stressful moments and not leap into fast decision-making based on assumptions and stories. When we slow down and recognize our own biases, we change how we do things. That’s one step toward making our work more equitable and inclusive.

This is one reason I created Clear Harbor for leaders – more here if you’re intrigued.
Clear Harbor is a built-in time for groups of people to reflect outside of the day-to-day pressures to respond.
It’s a commitment on your calendar to other people.
It’s a space to step back and reflect with a more significant viewpoint.

We not only show you it’s possible to build this into your workday, but we show you how.

I promised you a list of ways to build in time for rest and reflection. You can grab the list here. Remember, this isn’t MY list. These thoughts and ideas are from friends, clients, colleagues, and maybe even from you. Browse the list and see if anything sparks your interest. Try a few of the ideas yourself.

How can you build reflection into your day?

Staying Awake to Others While Navigating Change

February 9, 2022

As a leader, the people you work with are the key – to creating and building something beautiful and enjoying the work you’re doing. Without people, without a team, the vision does not move forward. Many leaders I work with are working with people who care deeply and work hard. And they are tired and navigating change after unsettling change.

And, the leaders I work with are navigating personal and professional challenges daily.

P.S. Everyone I work with is a leader because I follow this definition of leadership.*

It is easy to lose sight of how everyone around you is doing when you have so much to do.

However, there can be detrimental impacts when you are not staying connected to your team, peers, and humans in your life. When we are not paying attention to those around us – we lose the warmth of human connection, love, and care. We lose the insights and visions offered up by different people who see the world and its opportunities differently than we do. We lose out on the potential to build a strong team or a thoughtful family. When we are not attending to our teams and people, relationships may end. We miss the chance to offer support, and we miss the opportunity to grow and learn.

I’ve had moments in my life and my business where I was feeling so overwhelmed that I did not take the time needed to care about the core people in my life. The memories of those moments cause an ache in my heart and belly.

I am aware that:

I was not living out my values, and
I need to ensure that I do not get to the point of overwhelm that causes me to cut off connections to others.

I continue to work on this in my life.

How do I live out my value of being in intentional, meaningful relationships with my partners, clients, community, and family while juggling the work of being a human?

Here is a check-in to help you stay connected to your team, the people you work with, and the people you care about in your personal life.
There are four areas to pay attention to 1. tending, 2. tuning, 3. checking in, and 4. changing.

Download this check-in tool here!

Give yourself a mini-audit.

In your relationships, how are you tending, tuning in, checking in, and changing?

What is ONE thing you can do in ONE of the areas with a teammate or loved one?

No one person can do it all!

Of course, we cannot be connected to everyone on our team or in our community at all times. We need to make choices about who we are investing in and who are the critical relationships for us. And we need to be aware of how much time and capacity we have. It helps to write down who you are committed to being in the right relationship with.

Others may be acquaintances and colleagues you invest less energy in but treat with respect. If you are in a formal leadership position, you will need to foster skills across your company to help everyone stay connected and check in with staff.

(You know I am going to say this – but here’s a reminder – to be tuned in and awake to what is happening with others… you need to be awake to yourself and take care of yourself. If there is no energy left in your engine, these practices will be hard to do! Be on the lookout for more in March about staying awake to yourself!)

P.S. Here are some additional resources for Step 3 – Checking In:
4 essential human connections we all need right now
Simple ways to connect with each other, even virtually
How to stay open when you are ready to shut the conversation down
Tips for staying open & non-defensive in difficult conversations
5 Steps for Grounding During Instability
5 steps for grounding during instability pdf
2 questions that cut back the stress

* Vessel Consulting uses Brene Brown’s definition of leadership, “A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.”

How to tap into more joy when you need it most

August 25, 2021

In these last days of summer, our house is full of family, people and things are everywhere. Plates of food with warm stone fruit next to plates of food with fried rice. People yelling each other’s names from across the tiny house. I am grateful and full of connection.

Mind you, I am also an introvert, and I took a few days out alone, away from all my family before this next batch of sweetness arrived. I needed time to connect first to myself, to say “oh hello there Annie.” I needed time to be outside. My body and being need time near the water in stillness to recalibrate my inner compass. I am grateful for a supportive partner who did the household preparations for a month of family time so that I could have alone time. I am grateful for the moments we can be outside in the woods or near a river.

Now, in this house full of people from 80 to 4 years old, I am feeling joy. I am feeling the joy of good food, of laughter, of stories shared with our son. I am delighting in the feeling of creating a life with this wild family.

And when I was alone with my thoughts, books, and a shoreline, I felt joy. I felt the joy that comes when you notice the sound of water moving at the same time as a bird call.

—

It is not all sunshine and ease, we’ve had major changes in life plans in the last month that caused stress. We are navigating the fires and the virus with apprehension and sadness. We are listening to the news from around the world and our own town – people navigating devastation and loss of life, lands, homes, and rights. We are fielding phone calls from friends and family about illnesses.

This is to say – the connection is essential. Amid all the changes, and our own and other’s fights for a safer and more just world – we need to remember our connections to each other, to ourselves, to the natural world, to our experiences, our breaths, our stories, and the bigger picture.

And the connections lead to joy. And we all need joy. Joy is a reminder of delight and “aliveness” in the middle of the mess and the heartaches.

This week think about using connection as a source of joy.

What do you need to connect to right now to make a little room for joy?
Who do you need to connect to now?

Want to dive deeper into what joy can be and how to access it? Here is a quick video for you to go further into this practice and how to apply it even in a work setting.

Guess what? I asked a few amazing communities I am a part of what they do to build joy. The answers form an inspiring list you can use to build joy & connection into your life anytime – especially when you need it most.

Get it here!

Want to share this joy-building list and video with a friend so you can inspire each other? Send them this link to share for free!

Looking for genuine connections in your professional life?
Clear Harbor is a community of fellow leaders who practice equity and make room for joy!

Get on the waitlis t before the doors open in September.

Connect

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It is easy to lose sight of how everyone around you is doing when you have so much to do.

No one person can do it all!

How to tap into more joy when you need it most

Categories

Recent posts

I feel it.Do you feel it?

The belief that leads to burnout

Types of support

Asking for support

Examples

Caveat

Resources

Communities of support give us the room to reflect, learn, be seen, give and receive care, keep our values and actions consistent, release shame, do better, innovate, and create.

It is easy to lose sight of how everyone around you is doing when you have so much to do.

No one person can do it all!

Categories

Recent posts

I feel it.
Do you feel it?