All posts tagged: community

Excellent leaders never stop working on this one thing

April 17, 2024

The journey to become a more thoughtful, caring leader does not end at…

the newly acquired job or role,
the completion of a successful project to change an unhealthy organizational habit, or
a team member telling you thank you for being an incredible listener and agent of positive change.

(Although, dang! Congrats on any of these accomplishments!)

If you are about leadership

as an action, art, and practice,
are committed to supporting groups of people experiencing accomplishment and enjoyment from the work, and
want our communities to be places where all people can live in safety, peace, and even delight…

then your leadership learning never ends.
At the core of this ongoing journey is your personal awareness.

I work with badass leaders, y’all!

I have the incredible opportunity to sit in coaching and group spaces with thoughtful humans who create systemic change, move money to create more equity and update policies that increase people’s ability to thrive at work.

The most successful, seasoned leaders I work with know they are not done learning.

They look critically and lovingly at their thinking and behaviors. They examine how they show up in space, their impact on other humans, and their relationship patterns.

If you aim to improve a system, enhance a team’s effectiveness, or promote equity in your policies, your personal growth can be the largest catalyst. You can improve culture with just 5-10% of your time and energy directed toward changing your behavior.

This work will be even more effective if you do it from a place of self-compassion, belonging, and graciousness. (Just like the work with your team and community will go further if you do it from a place of self-compassion, belonging, and graciousness.)

You may say –

“Okay, so this all sounds nice, Annie – but I have a gazillion things on my plate.

I oscillate between feeling rushed and frustrated, important conversations, putting out fires, and emails. I already have training and projects I am moving forward with my team. How am I going to fit in more learning and growth?
DANG! It is too much.”

And you are right. It is all too much.
(You may have to say no to an important project at some point – but that is a different letter.)

But if you knew that pulling one lever – that you DO have control over – would make a lot of the pieces easier (and later on even more enjoyable), would you do it?

Understanding yourself and your impact is one of the most important elements of leadership. At a certain point in people’s leadership journeys, it gets left behind when, in actuality, the work of self-awareness and personal growth needs to increase throughout the journey.

Guess what?

It is simpler than you think (maybe not easier, but simpler).

Here is a short process and questions to ask yourself:

Find a short way to build more space in your week for a quiet moment that fills your cup.
(This could be 10 mins A WEEK of exercise, a walk, meditation, writing, listening to music.)
Practice noticing your thoughts, emotions, reactions, and patterns with curiosity and with less judgment, shame, or blaming others.

“Emotional Intelligence 2.0” calls this “watching like a hawk.
See steps #1, #4 and resources to support this
Ask yourself – how could I continue to improve in my relationships with others?
(Again, work on examining these improvements without deep judgment or shame.)
Pick one area you want to work on and bring in learning, and then practice first with trusted, caring people in your life.
If you want to go deeper… ask for feedback from others and find outside support to process that feedback.

Receive an honest evaluation process. Ask trusted peers for feedback. Take training in an area of growth with homework and practice.

And PAIR feedback with ongoing support while you work with the new knowledge—perhaps a therapist, group, or coach.

Up next – I will share a few of the ways I am digging in and learning as a leader right now.

Resources & continued learning:
Getting Personal: Critical Self-Reflection in Anti-Racism Work
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Self-compassion
People and Culture trainings

How to bring in joy & intention when building partnerships [Leaders Creating Change Series]

February 27, 2023

Thoughtfully built relationships are vital to creating long-term partnerships that support your work, mission, and also support you in your leadership. I am always looking to learn better and different ways to be in relationships and in partnerships with fellow humans – so that together we can create social change and experience joy and delight along the way.

I want to share more opportunities for you to gather and hear from thoughtful leaders building toward equity and social change in their communities.

I recently had the joy of talking with Amanda Thomas, Director, Community Partnership for Tacoma Public Schools. We spoke about how she shows up in spaces, builds community, and creates long-term partnerships. Amanda is one of my favorite leaders to work with and it was a delight to hear her talk about her leadership and work.

Hear what Amanda says about building relationships even in institutional capacities:

You can probably tell from our conversation that Amanda brings joy into her work and the communities she’s a part of, so I wanted to know how joy fits into building relationships for her. She said…

Amanda offered the reminder that it IS enough to simply be in relationship with each other. Building relationships thoughtfully over time supports your growth as a leader and your ability to create something bigger and more meaningful. Investing time in the relationship without considering what you have to gain creates trust and space for learning and creativity. This allows you to make more significant and impactful changes.

We can’t do any of our change work alone.

If we’re going to build larger solutions, we have to be in conversations with each other and hear diverse perspectives. We must be able to see and talk about the problems with people who view them differently.

It’s more than just partnerships, though. As leaders, we have to identify and find the support we need intentionally. I asked Amanda how she has built a support community around herself. She finds support in others but also in herself.

I’m grateful to have found support in my relationship with Amanda. My hope for you is that you have built or are building partnerships and communities of support for yourself, too.

In what ways are you putting energy into relationships simply for the joy and act of being in community?

A massive thank you to Amanda for joining me and for always showing up in spaces and giving very freely to community.

Interested in the full interview with Amanda? To learn more about building relationships and partnerships, grab it here.

Staying Awake to Others While Navigating Change

February 9, 2022

As a leader, the people you work with are the key – to creating and building something beautiful and enjoying the work you’re doing. Without people, without a team, the vision does not move forward. Many leaders I work with are working with people who care deeply and work hard. And they are tired and navigating change after unsettling change.

And, the leaders I work with are navigating personal and professional challenges daily.

P.S. Everyone I work with is a leader because I follow this definition of leadership.*

It is easy to lose sight of how everyone around you is doing when you have so much to do.

However, there can be detrimental impacts when you are not staying connected to your team, peers, and humans in your life. When we are not paying attention to those around us – we lose the warmth of human connection, love, and care. We lose the insights and visions offered up by different people who see the world and its opportunities differently than we do. We lose out on the potential to build a strong team or a thoughtful family. When we are not attending to our teams and people, relationships may end. We miss the chance to offer support, and we miss the opportunity to grow and learn.

I’ve had moments in my life and my business where I was feeling so overwhelmed that I did not take the time needed to care about the core people in my life. The memories of those moments cause an ache in my heart and belly.

I am aware that:

I was not living out my values, and
I need to ensure that I do not get to the point of overwhelm that causes me to cut off connections to others.

I continue to work on this in my life.

How do I live out my value of being in intentional, meaningful relationships with my partners, clients, community, and family while juggling the work of being a human?

Here is a check-in to help you stay connected to your team, the people you work with, and the people you care about in your personal life.
There are four areas to pay attention to 1. tending, 2. tuning, 3. checking in, and 4. changing.

Download this check-in tool here!

Give yourself a mini-audit.

In your relationships, how are you tending, tuning in, checking in, and changing?

What is ONE thing you can do in ONE of the areas with a teammate or loved one?

No one person can do it all!

Of course, we cannot be connected to everyone on our team or in our community at all times. We need to make choices about who we are investing in and who are the critical relationships for us. And we need to be aware of how much time and capacity we have. It helps to write down who you are committed to being in the right relationship with.

Others may be acquaintances and colleagues you invest less energy in but treat with respect. If you are in a formal leadership position, you will need to foster skills across your company to help everyone stay connected and check in with staff.

(You know I am going to say this – but here’s a reminder – to be tuned in and awake to what is happening with others… you need to be awake to yourself and take care of yourself. If there is no energy left in your engine, these practices will be hard to do! Be on the lookout for more in March about staying awake to yourself!)

P.S. Here are some additional resources for Step 3 – Checking In:
4 essential human connections we all need right now
Simple ways to connect with each other, even virtually
How to stay open when you are ready to shut the conversation down
Tips for staying open & non-defensive in difficult conversations
5 Steps for Grounding During Instability
5 steps for grounding during instability pdf
2 questions that cut back the stress

* Vessel Consulting uses Brene Brown’s definition of leadership, “A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.”

How I am preparing before we open back up (it might not be what you expect)

March 15, 2021

Here, in the Pacific Northwest, flowers are beginning to peek up out of the ground. The days are getting longer. A smattering of them have been without rain. Which means there are less mud puddles. That means a lot less loads of wash for me to run. 🙂

Thankfully, some of my family have managed to get their Covid shots. In most places, infection rates are reducing as opposed to rising.

I find myself thinking… perhaps I should be feeling more relief. More hope.

Yet, I find myself sitting with a strange mix of emotions these last weeks. Here are the words that come to mind as I try to name them: exhaustion, wariness, nostalgia, sadness, hope, gratefulness, and grief. As we face the prospect of returning to gather in person, my hope and relief is mixed with powerful reminders of what family, friends and community have had to endure this past year – the loss of time spent together, the loss of jobs and security, the loss of loved ones.

That’s when I begin to notice my posture of “just put your head down, Annie, get through it, push on.” This is not the first time in my life I’ve used this survival technique. It works. For a short time. But it takes a toll when I do it for long enough.

You see, in order for me to “push through” I must also actively avoid feeling my own emotions – both negative and positive. That includes empathy, grief, tenderness, and gratefulness. This year provided me with moment-to-moment opportunities to both experience and avoid my feelings. Because of the intense magnifying glass our lives have been under this last year – I am noticing the moments I’ve avoided my feelings in order to simply “push through”.

The key for me moving towards hope and accessing my ability to open myself back up to people and public space, is to move myself from a posture of avoidance into a position of allowing myself to experience my own feelings. I am doing this now… ever so gently.

Here is how I am opening myself up to the feeling of hope and the learnings of the last year:

I am focusing especially on my feelings of grief and gratitude.

I am noticing in a specific way. It’s a technique coming out of mindfulness and Buddhism.

I try to be aware of any feelings I may be experiencing in the moment. Then, I see if I can slow down and acknowledge the feeling, whatever it may be. It goes something like this:

“Hello there, sadness.”
and
“Whew, here it comes again… I’m missing someone…”
and
“Wow, I am so grateful for…”

I say to myself or (if appropriate) to those around me, just what it is that I am feeling. I offer appreciations out loud when I am experiencing gratitude.

I try to offer some variation of Valerie Kaur’s offering around grief if I am grieving with or because of something someone else is experiencing, “You are grieving, but you are not grieving alone. I am here with you.”

I let the feeling remain with me. Till the next one comes.

Then, I am practicing being quiet and present in the moment. (You know me – this is taking a lot of practice!)

This is not new information. It is centuries old and across traditions. However, there is a reason we continue to strive to learn it – it is hard work & it is life changing.

Here is what happens when I allow myself to notice & experience my emotions, especially grief and gratitude:

I experience more love and connection in my life, and less resentment.
I give love and acknowledgement to those I am with, allowing them the opportunity to feel loved and appreciated.
I can stay in the present moment, which reduces worry, anxiety, and fear of the future,
I feel human and notice the humanity in others.
When I notice gratitude – it expands and unearths more appreciation. Gratitude and appreciation can coexist with pain and grief.
I move through the emotions so that unexpected emotions are less likely to surface later, which reduces the harm I enact on myself and others.

It can be hard.

I am still head down, barrel through at times. And that is okay.

However, the more I drop into my emotions and the lessons they point to, the more prepared I am to keep showing up as a human being.

As I practice feeling more, I process more of the incredible lessons and hard moments of the last few years. As I sit with the grief and the gratitude, I find myself learning how to be a better friend, partner, and teammate. I recognize that I have more capacity than I imagined.

And that gives me hope.

What are you feeling right now?
What emotions are you paying attention to?
What are they teaching you?

May we allow each other the space to feel as we enter a new time of transition.

Feelings and emotions too overwhelming right now? Here is a place to go for support: NAMI Hotline

Want more resources to support feeling your emotions, supporting others in their grief, and practicing gratitude?

Here are a few offers:

See no stranger, Valarie Kaur, The People’s Inauguration and other learnings
A guide to transition from winter to spring, Kirin Bhatti
Lama Rod Owens – Acknowledging emotions meditation
Tara Brach – Pause for Presence
Untamed, Glennon Doyle
Emotional Agility, Susan David

Need examples? Here is what this looks like in real-time:

Grief

I am feeling grief for the lost time with people I love.
It hits me in a pang in my chest.
I sit with it and I say to myself, “Whew there is that feeling of missing and loss.”
I send a message or call when I can to tell the person I miss that I love them.

Gratitude

There is always more to do in our house, with our child, in my work. It is easy to get bogged down.
I am practicing noticing when my family is actively working on supporting someone else in the house or helping with a household task (which is actually very often).
I try and see it in the moment or shortly after and let them know I am grateful for what they are doing and/or I am grateful for them.