Annie Von Essen

Excellent leaders never stop working on this one thing

April 17, 2024

The journey to become a more thoughtful, caring leader does not end at…

the newly acquired job or role,
the completion of a successful project to change an unhealthy organizational habit, or
a team member telling you thank you for being an incredible listener and agent of positive change.

(Although, dang! Congrats on any of these accomplishments!)

If you are about leadership

as an action, art, and practice,
are committed to supporting groups of people experiencing accomplishment and enjoyment from the work, and
want our communities to be places where all people can live in safety, peace, and even delight…

then your leadership learning never ends.
At the core of this ongoing journey is your personal awareness.

I work with badass leaders, y’all!

I have the incredible opportunity to sit in coaching and group spaces with thoughtful humans who create systemic change, move money to create more equity and update policies that increase people’s ability to thrive at work.

The most successful, seasoned leaders I work with know they are not done learning.

They look critically and lovingly at their thinking and behaviors. They examine how they show up in space, their impact on other humans, and their relationship patterns.

If you aim to improve a system, enhance a team’s effectiveness, or promote equity in your policies, your personal growth can be the largest catalyst. You can improve culture with just 5-10% of your time and energy directed toward changing your behavior.

This work will be even more effective if you do it from a place of self-compassion, belonging, and graciousness. (Just like the work with your team and community will go further if you do it from a place of self-compassion, belonging, and graciousness.)

You may say –

“Okay, so this all sounds nice, Annie – but I have a gazillion things on my plate.

I oscillate between feeling rushed and frustrated, important conversations, putting out fires, and emails. I already have training and projects I am moving forward with my team. How am I going to fit in more learning and growth?
DANG! It is too much.”

And you are right. It is all too much.
(You may have to say no to an important project at some point – but that is a different letter.)

But if you knew that pulling one lever – that you DO have control over – would make a lot of the pieces easier (and later on even more enjoyable), would you do it?

Understanding yourself and your impact is one of the most important elements of leadership. At a certain point in people’s leadership journeys, it gets left behind when, in actuality, the work of self-awareness and personal growth needs to increase throughout the journey.

Guess what?

It is simpler than you think (maybe not easier, but simpler).

Here is a short process and questions to ask yourself:

Find a short way to build more space in your week for a quiet moment that fills your cup.
(This could be 10 mins A WEEK of exercise, a walk, meditation, writing, listening to music.)
Practice noticing your thoughts, emotions, reactions, and patterns with curiosity and with less judgment, shame, or blaming others.

“Emotional Intelligence 2.0” calls this “watching like a hawk.
See steps #1, #4 and resources to support this
Ask yourself – how could I continue to improve in my relationships with others?
(Again, work on examining these improvements without deep judgment or shame.)
Pick one area you want to work on and bring in learning, and then practice first with trusted, caring people in your life.
If you want to go deeper… ask for feedback from others and find outside support to process that feedback.

Receive an honest evaluation process. Ask trusted peers for feedback. Take training in an area of growth with homework and practice.

And PAIR feedback with ongoing support while you work with the new knowledge—perhaps a therapist, group, or coach.

Up next – I will share a few of the ways I am digging in and learning as a leader right now.

Resources & continued learning:
Getting Personal: Critical Self-Reflection in Anti-Racism Work
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Self-compassion
People and Culture trainings

Loosen your grip

April 11, 2016

Last month, I wrote that the things and people we love can cause us both joy and stress. I wrote that both connecting and disconnecting—engaging and disengaging—are healthy responses. Here is a simple practice that will help you reduce stress and increase joy.

Think about an area of stress in your life. It could be your work, a specific project, volunteer activities, a relationship, your kids. Remember, the people and activities we love can still bring us stress.

Look deeply: What is something within that area of stress that you enjoy? What are you grateful for?

Practice being mindful when you are involved in that area of stress. Consciously deepen your connection to the thing you enjoy.

For example, one of the areas of joy in my work is small client meetings and groups. I love this work! When I have the opportunity to be in a client meeting, I can stop and think to myself, “This is wonderful. I am so grateful for this moment.” I connect with that part of my work.

Now think again of that same area that causes stress in your life.

What is something within that activity, project, or relationship that you could disconnect from? What could you delegate, take less seriously, or worry about less?

In areas of our life that are very important we can become very attached to every single thing that is occurring, how it is happening, and the possible outcome. This increases the amount of stress we experience.

You can let go! Loosen your grip and release that vision of the “perfect” result, the “right way” of accomplishing your goal. Say goodbye to a few less important tasks.

For instance, my home is not as clean as I would love it to be, especially when we have guests. But I can’t be totally attached to this part of my home life. Other things are more important to me, and I love having guests, so I say to myself, “A quick, imperfect clean-up is better than not having guests at all.”

This week think of something you want to deepen your connection to, and something you want to actively disconnect from. I promise that doing both will reduce your stress.

Is the time you spend, well spent?

September 30, 2015

Sweaters are on and little kids are leaving our building to walk up the hill to school. Last week, my husband Roberto packed up the car and left for his school up north. We have resumed our routine of weekdays apart and weekends together. So far, this year is easier than last, because as with most change, it is easier when you know what to expect.

Last month, I wrote to you about my full plate and the need to decide what to set down and what to pick up. I have been reflecting on this idea and talking to people about it, including a few conversations that came out of my last email letter.

When you are busy – don’t you find it is a bit more complicated than just re-evaluating your life and your time and saying no to a few things in order to make room for more? The advice we all get is to learn to just say no. It has been the advice I have followed and given plenty of times. I tell myself every time I overschedule and I tell my stretched thin clients – “Just take something off your plate.”

Is it really that easy? I don’t think it is. Yes, I should say no to a few more things. But there is a bigger question that wants to be asked, “Why does it seem like my packed calendar does not match what I want from my life or I thought I wanted from this season of my life?”

Before you say “yes” or say “no”, you need to know why. What do you value? What do you want from your life and your time?

Have you ever had a moment where you are not sure if your time matches your priorities, values or dreams? Maybe it is happening right now.

When reflecting on this for myself I came up with a different answer than I expected.

As this busy summer ended I felt like my time had been packed to the gills and I had an uneasy feeling that I was missing something. I had spent my time doing more work with clients than ever before. And more time with my husband and immediate family.

I checked in with myself and asked “Is how I am using my time matching with my priorities and values?”

The knee-jerk reflection was NO! I “should” have had more time this summer swimming in lakes. I missed seeing friends!

Then I reflected further and realized that something else had shifted. Normally, being outside and with friends is what is important to me during the summer. I love my friends! Yet I was delivered two amazing gifts this summer – my business is growing and my husband, who usually does not live in the same town as me, was home all summer. My priorities have changed for the time being. I put my husband, close family and business first. My calendar reflects a change in priorities.

My mind did not catch up and felt like something was left behind. And it was. When your priorities shift, even momentarily, you do have to say good bye to other things. You have to make hard choices.

Maybe this is true for you too. Maybe something in your life has shifted. External circumstances beyond your control can completely change what you need to focus your time on. It can take a while for our brain to catch up with the change.

When you feel like what you spend your time doing is not in line your priorities and values you may begin to feel sick – physically or emotionally. Your body knows when you aren’t living in a way that is true to your core needs or when you have not acknowledged a shift that is happening or needs to happen in your life.

Perhaps, right now you are feeling great about what you do with your days. For the most part, what you spend your time doing matches what you care about and what you want to move forward in your life. If this is the case in your life right now, reflect on that and then CELEBRATE the HECK out of it!

However if, like me, you find that your time is not being spent in a way that matches your values and priorities. The first trick is to notice this. Maybe your priorities have changed. Maybe your time has been overtaken by outside forces.

Here are a few reflection questions to help you figure out if your calendar does not match with your priorities or values and WHY:

Has something in your external world changed?
Has this change brought about a change in your priorities or how you need to spend your time?
Have you changed?
What are you craving from your life now? In the future?
What are the most important things to you right now? The people? The things you want to support?
Does your calendar reflect your priorities, hopes and values?
AND does your calendar have breathing room for you?

It can be hard to look at how we spend our time against what we care about and what our goals are. If we look closely it could mean a major life shift is happening or needs to happen. It could also mean we will need to change behaviors. The tricky thing is if you do not take a look at your priorities and your time, that disconnect can lead to continuous stress and even worse, illness.

If your calendar does not reflect your priorities and values, what are the small changes you can make?

What might be the bigger changes you could examine?

Be gentle and take a look. See if your priorities and time align. What has to shift?

Summer time is fun time — right?

July 29, 2015

This sunny Northwest summer is bringing with it a joyful and frenetic energy, and the last few months have been full!

My husband returned to Seattle after his first year of graduate school in a different city. I’ve been working with clients who are in the midst of major organizational changes. I’ve spent lots of time having fun with loved ones. The events in our nation continue to deliver reminders that the bright sunshine does not slow down hateful acts of violence.

Three forces are pulling me in opposite directions. The extra vitamin D induced energy has me wanting to get big things done and move my work forward. The sweet sunny days with my husband close by have me wanting to lie on a blanket by the water’s edge and read a book. And the local and global news reminds me daily that all things are not equal in this world. I’m aware that my safe, warm sun is not everyone’s experience and that if I want the world to be a kinder place I need to pay attention, learn more, and work for change.

How do you contend with different desires during the same season?

Enjoy where you are in each moment.

I have found myself watching little kids splashing in the waves at the beach, and suddenly thinking: What should we do at that next planning meeting? I have jumped up to write a weekend packing list when I am right in the middle of writing content for my new website.

When I catch myself I say: Whoa, Annie! Where are you right this moment? I breathe deeply, and remind myself: Oh, yes! I have my toes in the sand and there is a sweet three-year-old tossing pebbles with a splash. No need to plan that meeting agenda until Monday.

When you discover that you’ve interrupted one moment with thoughts about your to-dos, take a breath. Remind yourself that this moment matters. You have time.

Big change and big projects do not happen on an exact timeline.

I am great at attaching arbitrary meanings to time, and then deciding that things must be done during that time — or else! I have built quite the robust set of summer projects. And guess what? Not all of them are going to get done this summer! I have already had to reconstruct my plan — more than once.

Yes we need timelines or things can drag on forever. However, overloading yourself with too many plans or unrealistic expectations causes a lot of additional stress. Remember that linear time is a helpful yet arbitrary parameter. It’s OK to reschedule some of your plans and even take a few big projects off your list.

Build time for the most important things.

It’s good to view time as flexible, but we all need schedules. I’ve learned that if I don’t build in specific time for the things that are critical, those things will not get done. My calendar is one of my most important tools!

Put the most important work, projects, and life events on your calendar and attend to them when your calendar tells you to. This applies to exercise, writing time, having dinner with family or friends, or a meeting at work. Setting time on your calendar for important events keeps projects moving forward and makes space for the things you need most. When you build everything in to your calendar it will also help you see visually if you are over doing it. (If you are cut something out.) And yes both of these things are true for me – my calendar helps me get things done AND things need to be flexible.

What about the sad, anger inducing things happening to our communities, here at home and far away?

Hold on to complexity.

I am allowing myself to have complex feelings. I can feel bliss and sadness on the same day. I do not need to run from the bliss because there is so much to be sad about. And I do not need to ignore the sadness because I am afraid it will take away the good feelings. I need both feelings. I can feel both.

Face the news. Keep trying.

When I feel guilty because of the opportunities, rights, and privileges I have, I remind myself that I can do something. To deny myself any joy because of all the harm in the world does no one any good. We need more joy. We need people to feel it and shine it out. At the same time, the guilt and sadness I feel is a reminder to not ignore my desire for the world to be a more equal place.

I remind myself that I am responsible for making that change happen. We all are. For me, taking responsibility means not shutting off the news, not turning away from the difficult conversations. It means examining the work I am doing and how it impacts others in good and negative ways and making changes in how I work.
These are a few of my thoughts on dealing with different wants and desires during this summer season.

How do you contend with different desires in the same season?

Post your thoughts in my comments below.

Joy in your work day

June 22, 2015

Last week I wrote about enjoying your job, even when you’re working super hard. I talked about finding things you like about your work… Things that are fun… Things you do that you have always wanted to do and now you can!

Finding those things and taking time to enjoy them is important. Here is another technique for enjoying your work.

Build some joy into your’ work day.

Your moments of joy do not have to be related to the actual work at hand. Instead, this technique is all about figuring out how to fold a few things you really enjoy into your work day… and then have fun doing those things!

Here are a few examples:

Go for a walk in the middle of the day. Just 10 or 15 minutes — or longer if it’s possible. And enjoy it! You can walk alone or with co-workers. Either way can be fun, depending on the kind of day you are having.

Bring a lunch that you are really excited about eating. Really! Enjoy it.

Bring food to share with your co-workers. This could be cookies or fruit, or anything you enjoy. Share. Experience other people’s joy at having a treat at work. Enjoy their enjoyment!

Pay someone a compliment. Send a card or tell them in person. Say thank you! Then enjoy the moment when they feel joy.

Bring gorgeous summer flowers into your office. Look at them often. Enjoy their colors and intricate details.

Take a moment to ask yourself how you can bring joy and fun into your office space and your work.

Take it a step further: How can you bring this same intention for fun and enjoyment into your home?

What? Work can be fun?

June 15, 2015

A week ago I had a big AHA! moment. Okay, honestly my husband helped me have a big AHA! moment. (Partners can be good at helping us notice things.)

I was busy with work I was super excited about, and I was still talking about it like it was so much “work”. Robbie said to me, “What if you just enjoy this? I mean you love doing this work. What would happen if you thought about it as a fun thing that you get to do instead of more work that you have to do?”

WOW! A revelation! What if I really let myself have fun while I’m doing this project?

Is there something in your day-to-day life that you’re looking at as more work instead of looking at it as a fun opportunity?

If you stop and notice the things you enjoy about your work, you may just have fun.

Try this.

List three things you like about your work. “Work” could mean your job, or parenting, or taking care of a family member.

If you are really hating your current work, that is okay. You do not have to start liking it. But I bet you can find something you can enjoy even in the midst of the crud — that one great customer, supportive co-worker, or important project that you are building.

Take a second right now to name the things you love.

For me the list includes: Being able to witness a client breakthrough. The moment when a group of people has a big idea. Quiet mornings spent writing and reading and researching. Putting together a new curriculum for Room Next Door.

The next time you are doing are super busy with work, slow down a bit and actually enjoy it. Step off the treadmill that says, “You are working! KEEP working!” Instead, try saying, “Look at me! I am doing something I love doing. I am enjoying this. I am good at this.”

Overwhelmed? Stop and get organized!

May 19, 2015

When the list of to-do’s, calls to return, and emails in your inbox is growing at a steady rate, it is easy to get overwhelmed.

When you’re overwhelmed, it feels like there are piles everywhere and you just cannot get ahead of them, no matter what you do. The laundry and dishes pile up. The email threads get lost in digital piles. And looking at the real paper piles on your desk can make you cringe.

It is hard to know what to do next. And it seems like things are never going to be “done.”

What we want to do in times of overwhelm is keep going!
We tell ourselves: Do this one more thing. And then this. And then go over here and do this. Keep going! It will get better if I just keep going!
But it does not get better.

Good news! I have learned a key trick that can help reduce overwhelm within a few hours. You probably know it too. It’s simple — and we almost never do it.

Stop. Get organized!

This is not what we want to do. Looking at all those piles of work increases our anxiety, and we usually want to flee from it. I know I do.

I promise that if you get organized, you will feel better. You may have to push through that first bout of anxiety, but you will feel better! And getting organized improves the chances you will actually accomplish the task you set out to do.

I did this earlier this month.

Right now, I have a number of projects going, including quite a bit of on-site facilitation. At the end of April, I was beginning to wonder how I was going to get it all done.

My first response was to put my head down and just push through. To ignore the piles that were building up around me and simply take care of the next task… and the next… and the next.

I pride myself on being there for my clients. In order to do that, I actually needed to be there for myself first.

So inside of blindly running forward, I set aside an afternoon and evening to get organized. I did not delve into any pending tasks or to-do’s. Instead I cleaned up and fine-tuned my systems.

Here is what I did:

Manage the project and work backwards from deadlines

First I tackled my project management system. I cleaned up the software I use for project management. (I use Asana for business, client and personal projects.) I made sure all my major projects were in the system, with their monthly and weekly tasks. I worked backwards from my deadlines and set completion dates for the key components of each project.

Review daily to-do’s

I use my project management tool and calendar to tell me what needs to happen and when. And I keep track of my daily to-do’s in an actual paper notebook that is always with me. (I know most people are fully digital now – I just cannot give up the great feeling of crossing off tasks on a piece of paper. AND this process allows me to step away from the computer during the day.)Each day I write out two to four to-do’s and/or meetings. If I have more than four to-do’s, I know my project timelines are off and I am not going to get everything done.

Clean up the calendar

I took a look at my calendar and made sure it was “telling the truth.” I reviewed the last few weeks and previewed the weeks coming up. This means that what my calendar says I am doing and what I have planned to do is ACTUALLY what is occurring. When I revisit my calendar, I learn how I am spending my time. That helps me be more realistic about how long it will take me to complete upcoming tasks. I ask myself, “Can I really get this done by then? And what other chunks of time will it take to get this task done?”

Get emails under control

I got back on top of my emails in a few steps. I scanned my email. I responded to anything I could handle quickly. For emails that needed a more thoughtful response, I used Boomerang in Gmail to send messages out of my inbox and back to me at a time when I could focus on them. And I deleted A WHOLE bunch of email, making sure to unsubscribe when pertinent. When I am receiving too much email, I change my email priorities. I respond only to clients, potential clients, friends, and family. I delete the articles and “forwards” in my inbox and start fresh.

Clear the decks

As I worked through this process, I paid attention to tasks that could come off my plate. I asked myself, “What can I move to next month? What can I do a few months from now?” I revised some deadlines in my project management system. I canceled a few appointments. I asked for more help from other people on my team. I decided whether some tasks were truly critical, and whether I needed to do them. I took some tasks off my plate completely. Yes, I actually chose to NOT do some things that were on my to do list.

I know my priorities this month. I have fewer piles. I know what needs to get done. I gave myself permission to let a few things slide for the next five weeks (things like laundry and home-cooked meals).

The whole thing took about four hours. When I was finished organizing, I was tired! And I still felt residual overwhelm.

But the next morning I woke up refreshed! I knew what I needed to tackle and I was no longer avoiding my email or calendar.

This month and the beginning of June are full of good work and good times with my loved ones. I know I will have to stop and get organized again — maybe more than once. I will also need to take an hour at the end of every other day to straighten out my email, my calendar, and my project management system.

If you’re overwhelmed by the work, set aside the time to get your systems in order. When you know what you need to get done, your overwhelm will decrease significantly.

Piles all around you?
Before you do another task, stop and get organized!

“I’m tired of it!” Now what? – THE CHECKLIST: PART TWO

May 12, 2015

Here are a few more ideas to carry with you whenever the work is hard and you’re “TIRED OF IT”. And here is the first half of the checklist of ideas if you missed it.

Reach out for support

We often struggle with asking for help or reaching out when things get tough at work. I am one of those people. I do not like asking for help. I want to be strong and take care of others but I don’t want to be seen needing support. Look at the line of work I am in!

Here’s the deal: People want to help and support us. This is what connects and brings us together. If you are truly tired, exhausted and thinking about throwing in the towel on that project… then that is THE SIGN you need help! You probably need two kinds of help. You need help actually doing the work AND you need some human contact.

First, ask for help with the workload. Talk with a few people you trust. Tell them about what is hard for you right now. Hang out with the humans you love and have fun. If it’s helpful, ask for check-ins and accountability. (Remember, we almost always CAN ask for help, but we usually DON’T!)

Remember a time when you got through it

We have all worked hard, pushed through and accomplished things we did not think were possible at the time. Find some examples in your past. Make a list — on paper or in your mind — of five times you have worked through something very hard. Be mindful of these times. What did you do? How did you feel? You are capable of working through this tough time. Remind yourself.

Work differently

There is always a new way to work. You can do things differently now. Once we have been working on something for a while, we begin to only see one way for things to happen. This is one of the most dangerous traits we have as humans: Our inability to see that there is a different way to do what we have been doing. If something is not working or if it is incredibly tiresome, try doing it a different way.

Sometimes we are stuck and we need others to help unstick us. Get together with a group of people and talk through fresh options. Pick people you want to talk with, people who will listen. And remember to let them know you are looking for ideas, not answers. You still get to decide what you are going to do. Imagine a change. Get creative. Build a plan.

Get “gritty”

Remember, as human beings we have the ability to do a lot more than we think we can. We see examples of this all the time in sports stories or survival stories. People can get through a lot when they need to. You can, too.

Dig in a little deeper. When you think you have reached your limit and you cannot do any more, try stretching even further. That is when you’ll begin to find out what you are made of. You have guts and abilities you never even knew about.

Take good care of yourself. Get support. And then put your back into it! Tell yourself you can do this. Then keep doing it. You are much stronger than you think.

You’ve got this. And when the work is done, you are going to feel good!

“I’m tired of it!” Now what? – THE CHECKLIST: PART ONE

May 5, 2015

In this series (check out Part 1 and Part 2), we have been thinking about what to do when you want and need to continue working and creating, but you’re exhausted, tired and frustrated. How do you keep going?

Here is a checklist of helpful tips that work for my clients — and for me!

Ritualize the hard work

You may have heard people say, “Do the hard work first.” I totally agree. Sometimes when we are tired of the project or exhausted from the work we avoid the hardest parts. Those hard bits and pieces keep lurking around, getting bigger, and wearing us out. The more we avoid them, the harder they are to accomplish.

What I like to say is this: “Do the hard work first AND build consistent rituals that make work easier to get in to.”

What does ritualizing the hard work look like?

Create a time, a place and a method for getting the work done.

In my business I have a few pieces of work I avoid. I love my business. I just do not love bookkeeping! Bookkeeping — actually, AVOIDING the bookkeeping — can make my whole business feel like a chore. But I am learning that if I make this task a ritual, it eliminates the stress and strain caused by avoiding it. I do my bookkeeping the same time of the week and month, in the same place. I give myself a treat (tea and music). And I put on my “Get it done” attitude.

Do you have a task or two that are making you dislike your whole job? Figure out the pieces you really do not like. Do not put off those tasks. Create a ritual for getting them done. (Or if you are lucky, maybe you can hand those tasks to someone who would enjoy them.)

Take a break

Take a break! Take a break! Take a break!

Walk away from the desk. Walk away from the work. Walk away from the project.

Do this for a short time every day. Do it every week for a longer period of time. And please take a real break. Do something nourishing and DO NOT talk about work.

For more about the benefits of taking breaks, check out this post [link] AND this post [link]. Really, taking breaks is one of the BEST things you can do for yourself.

Know why

If you’re going to keep going when the work is tiresome, you need to know why you are doing the work in the first place. Then when the work gets hard, you have to remind yourself of the reason you are doing it.

Ask yourself, “Why do I want this?” Write it down. Put that note somewhere you can see it.

(Oh, and check in with yourself about that “Why…” If your answer is about guilt, obligation, and pride you may want to examine if you really want to keep going.)

Exercise

Move your body. It will reduce stress. It will give you new perspective. It will increase your creative problem-solving ability. It’s fun.

You don’t need a big new routine. You don’t have to join a gym or buy an exercise outfit. Walk around the block. Stretch in the mornings. Put a happy song on your iPod and take a dance break.

Trust me, getting in touch with your physical self really helps when times are tough.

Sleep

Sleep will… well… make you less exhausted! If you are tired of the work and you are not sleeping, it is hard to keep going. Go to bed 30 minutes earlier for starters. Create a cozy ritual around bedtime. Don’t take your phone or your tablet to bed.

If you are having trouble falling asleep it could be the stress from work. First increase your exercise during the day. If that doesn’t help you fall asleep more easily, talk to a health care professional.

Meditate

Meditating for just five to 10 minutes a few times a week will give you a different perspective. Meditation does not always bring immediate relief, but you will discover that it does help throughout the day. Meditation reminds us of our breath, of our connection to each other and nature. It helps us take things a little less seriously.

Stay tuned to my next post to see four more tips in the checklist.

“I’m tired of it!” Now what? PART TWO

April 21, 2015

You’re doing your work. You’re involved in a project. You want to keep going… you need to keep going… you must keep going… but you’re TIRED OF IT!

What do you do now?

In my last post I suggested taking the time and space to think things through. I suggested asking yourself, “Is what I’m doing right now the right thing for me? Am I doing it the right way?”

Which answer did you hear?

Answer #1. “Stop doing the work because it is no longer good for you.”

Answer #2. “The work is good! Keep going and do things a different way.”

Answer #3. “This work is important and you need to do it! Keep going and don’t stop even if you are tired.”

Answer #4. “Wow, am I confused! I’m unclear about whether to keep going forward or change direction.”

Let’s take a look at each of those scenarios, because each one requires a different strategy.

Scenario #1. Stop doing the work.

Just for you, I have a series of posts about this! Check out my three-part series “When things aren’t working at work.”

Scenario #2. Keep going but do things a different way.

This scenario requires two strategies.

First and most important: Take good care of yourself while you’re still working. This means getting good sleep, taking breaks from work, and getting physical exercise. Start with a few little changes. Go to bed 15 minutes earlier. Take a walk during the workday. Stop eating lunch at your desk. Or start your day with five minutes of stretching.

Second: Reflect on the ways that you could do your work differently. Create space to reflect with trusted friends and coworkers. Ask yourself and your colleagues, “What if there was another way to do this work? What could we change?” Get curious and creative. Problem-solve with your team. Make a new plan and get help implementing it. Notice what works.

Scenario #3. This is the work that must be done and you know you must keep going.

This scenario requires a few additional strategies.

Just as in Scenario #2, practice self-care techniques while you’re still working. Get some sleep. Taking breaks. Move your body. (I’ll share a lot more about this in my next post.)

Then, do the work. Really tell yourself you can keep doing it. And do it.

Next, put a time limit on how long you will keep working with your head down before you check in and think about how it’s going. It is helpful to set up a check-in with someone. Tell a friend, a coach or a trusted co-worker, “I am working really hard on this. But in two weeks, if it’s just as hard and I’m not making progress, I’d like to check in with you and reflect on a different way to do the work.”

And most important, rally the troops. Get support doing the work. Ask co-workers and colleagues for more help. Delegate! And get connected with loved ones outside the work. They can provide a sounding board and an escape valve.

Scenario #4. You are confused about whether you should keep working or quit.

For now, do not stop doing the work. BUT slow down. Put in a little less effort and time. Make some breathing room. Back off the throttle as much as you can without losing momentum.

As in all the other scenarios, practice techniques that allow you to take good care of yourself while still working: get good sleep, take breaks, and move your body.

Then build in more time for reflection. Find time to get quiet. Take a walk to get coffee during the workday. Take a moment in the driveway before you go into the house. Gently ask yourself, “Do I want to keep doing this the same way?” Talk with only a few trusted confidantes about your struggle to understand whether you can “keep going.”

And be gentle. Give yourself time to figure out the direction you want to go. A new direction may come to you in a flash or it may dawn as slow awareness. Or you may just finish the work you are struggling with. And when you’re finished, your reflection time could lead you in a new direction.

Are you still craving a more techniques for revitalizing the work you are tired of? Stay tuned for a checklist that can help you keep going when exhaustion and frustration set in.